To Gain the Whole World and Yet....

First off, thanks to archar for following! It's always high to log on and see that someone else is interested in what I've got to say.

The following is something I wrote on vacation; here is a revised and updated version which still encapsulates what what I was trying covey.

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I think the prosperity doctrine, which permeates much of the American church, has effected the way I view God and the world around me.
The rose colored glasses in this case, happen to be ray-bans (the latest model of course). Because for Americans, materialism is one of our strongest demons. Satan has pointed us toward the end of the rainbow, and sent us packing. We spend our entire lives turning over rocks, and looking for that elusive pot of gold at the end. Somewhere along the way, most people realize we can no more find the pot of gold than we can climb the rainbow.

For as long as I can remember (at least as long as I've been a teenager), I've felt this deep need to get “there.” Where is there you ask? Why, just this side of perfection of course.
“There,” is vague point in the future when I've got enough wisdom, muscle, charm and intellect to make Chuck Norris jealous. Oh, and of course, I'll have a great relationship with Christ. And because I thought it was a good idea set perfection as my standard and slowly trudged toward it.

I thought I would naturally become that person as I grew older. While, the ideal me has changed a bit over the past couple years, the basic selfish idea remains the same. I believed my future happiness depended upon how closely I resembled that ideal. When I saw others who were better me in some way, I envied them.

Over recent months my own ignorance has been slowly revealed to me. I've come to see how my death grip on perfection, has only caused it to slip through my fingers like sand. It has prevented me from living life to the fullest because I constantly wish the situation were improved in some way. If I'm on a trip then I don't have all the friends I want, if I'm eating the food isn't good enough, if I'm play football I'm not athletic enough. “If only, if only,” I lament idiotically. All the while life passes me by.
Slowly, I'm learning to find contentment where God has placed me.

Yet, something still troubled me. I found myself in a place where I squirmed at the prospect of reading my Bible for no conceivable reason. Clean conscience or no, good mood or bad, I didn't enjoy the prospect of getting in the word. It was frustrating and confusing.

Over vacation, I was pondering the matter when a revelation hit me. In my perfect future, I would have a perfect relationship with Jesus, but in my fantasies, the relationship wasn't about Jesus; it was about my own righteousness. The whole fantasy was based upon my my selfish, egotist (and insecure) bid for the admiration of others.

There is an interesting passage in the book of Job, chapter 29 to be exact. In my Bible, I have highlighted all the personal pronouns in one color and every direct reference to God in another. It was an exercise a Bible teacher gave me to point out Job's pride. He is complaining to God, telling him that he was nearly perfect, that he doesn't deserve all the calamity God allowed to occur. Job uses God's name 5 times, while referencing himself 42 times (NIV)!

Perspective problems perhaps (notice my triple alliteration)? Heck yes! I've got same problem Job does, pride. My perfectionism only exacerbates the dilemma.

Now, I'm slowly learning to apply what I've been taught, evaluating goals and decisions based what pleases God. I'm even learning to base decisions on what I want, without attempting to show off for anyone. It's difficult, but liberating, and I've got the best coach in the universe to keep me on track.

Thanks for reading!

Levi